Through My Eyes: September 2016

Saturday, 17 September 2016

That Girl

I looked at her; amazed, I blinked
Dark circles under her eyes, pale skin
She gave me a tired look
And desperately, her head she shook
I insisted on having a small talk
I reconsidered, thinking, maybe a quite walk?
She gave me a smile so shy
Though the smile didn’t reach her eyes
Rather they held a sorrow so deep
A depth that maybe took years to reach
I called out to say; Hey girl, You look familiar
But I no longer recognised the girl in the mirror!

The Care You Need

There comes a point in everyone’s life when you just know that you can’t accommodate any more people in your life. I personally started experiencing this and now I feel like saying goodbye to every single person that seems like they’re just here to make a mess and nothing else. It’s my party after all, why should I let people ruin it just by being a part of it? It’s hard at first to figure out who falls in what category. Who are worth keeping and who are not. Who needs to stay and who needs to go. But after just a while, it all clears up like a blue sky after a rainfall. I might have been rude to people for making my life a little less messy but sometimes you just need to take care of your own self first, it becomes like an obligation to look at yourself, feel pity for what you have done to your life and then finally do something about it without waiting any longer.
Hey you! You need to take care of yourself before you try to take care of others, you should learn to laugh and smile for real otherwise it’s gonna be a really long and tough way. Look at yourself! You’re nice enough; start by making your way right for you. Cheers

Strangeness

Jab sooraj ki kirnain se wehshat honay lagay
جب سورج کی کرنوں سے وھشت ہونے لگے
(When the rays of sun start to scare you)

aur din ke ujalay main dam ghutnay lagay
اور دن کے اُجالے میں دم گھٹنے لگے
(And daylight makes you suffocate)

samajh lena kuch tou galat hay
سمجھ لینا کچھ تو غلط ہے
(Just know that something is wrong)

Jab har waqt logon main ghire rehne wala apna aap
sirf tanha acha lagne lage.
جب ہر وقت لوگوں میں گھرا رہنے والا اپنا آپ
صرف تنہا اچھا لگنے لگے
(When you prefer staying alone than being surrounded by people like you’re used to)

Samajh lena kuch tou galat hay.
سمجھ لینا کچھ تو غلط ہے
(Just know that something is wrong)

Jab sari zindagi doston ke sahare guzarne ke bad
ab akela rehne ko dil karay.
جب ساری زندگی دوستوں کے سہارے
گزارنے کے بعد
اب اکیلا رہنے کو دل کرے
(After spending your life with your friends’ support
You start wanting to stay aloof)

Jab kamre ke bahar ki dunya se jee uktae.
جب کمرے کے باہر کی زندگی سے جی اُکتاۓ
(When you get weary of the world outside your room)

Jab har shakhs se khof ae
جب ھر شخص سے خوف آۓ
(When every man scares you)

aur har apna begana lagne lagay
اور ہر اپنا بیگانا لگنے لگے
(And your own people seem unknown)

Samajh lena kuch tou galat hay
سمجھ لینا کچھ تو غلط ہے
(Just know that something is wrong)

Old is Gold

I was surfing the internet today for Urdu poetry when I came across a piece by a well recognized and amazing poet, Zafar Iqbal, and I just couldn’t resist sharing it. I’ve also shared the English translation for those who can’t understand Urdu.
I hope you enjoy it!

{
Main chalte chalte apne ghar ka rasta bhool jata hun,
میں چلتے چلتے اپنے گھر کا رستہ بھول جاتا ہوں،
(I forget my way home while walking)

Jab us ko yad karta hun tou kitna bhool jata hun…
جب اُس کو یاد کرتا ہوں میں کتنا بھول جاتا ہوں
(How much I forget, when I remember him)

Aur zaruri zabte fauri faraez qeemti qadrain
اور ضروری ذابطے، فوری فرائض، قیمتی قدریں
(And important regulations, obligations, values)

Main us ko dekh kar sara tamasha bhool jata hun
میں اُس کو دیکھ کر سارا تماشا بھول جاتا ہوں
(I forget all, when I see him)

Muqarrar kar bhi dun koi jo mujh ko yad dilwae
مقرر کر بھی دوں کوئ جو مجھ کو یاد دلواۓ
(If I appoint someone to remind me)

Tou main us aadmi ko sath rakhna bhool jata hun
تو میں اُس آدمی کو ساتھ رکھنا بھول جاتا ہوں
(Then I forget to keep that man with me)

Bhula deta hun gar vo rokta hay paas anay se
بھلا دیتا ہوں گر وہ روکتا ہے پاس آنے سے
(I forget if he stops me from meeting him)

Dobara rokta hay main dobara bhool jata hun
دوبارا روکتا ہے، میں دوبارا بھول جاتا ہوں
(Again he stops me, I forget again)

Zafar! Zauf e dimagh is se barh kar aur kya hou ga
ظفر! ظعفِ دماغ اِس سےبڑھ کر اور کیا ہو گا
(Zafar! How more can the incapability of brain be)

Ke jata hun wahan aur wapis ana bhool jata hun.
کہ جاتا ہوں وہاں اور واپس آنا بھول جاتا ہوں
(That I go there, and I forget to come back)
}

Thursday, 1 September 2016

Walk of Life

Walking in the dark,

Under the sky full of stars.

Surrounded by emptiness,

My heavy heart.

The silence encounters

With the noise of my thoughts

My soul might freeze,

A sudden halt.

Copyright © Wajiha Khalid. All rights reserved.

A wound that is love ...

A pinch. An old scratch that just won't heal. A burn. A feeling at the back of your mind and heart. An emptiness. There are so many ways to express your misery of being alone,without the one person who just seems so genuinely perfect. But no words can actually describe the pain, that bullet hit on an already existing fresh wound. At the end of the day, you always have accepted the fact that your paths are different-his choices, his feelings are different- But you can't get yourself used to this acceptance of the truth. So here you are, in the dead of the night, drifting off to sleep. And that one face, that figure of utmost perfection, is the last thing on your mind. His kindness, gentleness, but then his ignorance. So you gather all your pieces, every little thought and memory about him and close your eyes to the truth and enter your illusions of maybe having a chance to be with him...

Illusions

You were standing across the garden waiting for me. It felt like heaven to know that you were looking forward to meeting me, to see myself there with you after all that time of your ignorance and indifference. I had been in love with you for so long that a little attention from you got my heart beating faster than a butterfly's wings flutter. There was warmth in your eyes and you seemed so genuinely happy to see me and I don't think I've ever felt that amazing in my entire life. You kept talking and talking. And I had never felt an urge that strong of grabbing your hand and telling you how much I'm in love with you. Your brother was there too. He's a sweet kid. He showed me around your house. You even introduced me to your parents when they came home. They were very welcoming and I couldn't make any sense out of all that. They took me home in their car and during the ride we chatted about many things, even discussed you for a bit. I don't remember much but I do remember lots of laughter and happiness. True, pure happiness. It was without a doubt the most amazing dream I've ever had and I'm pretty sure it'll be the most favourite one too.

Ah, the choices we make everyday...

It's so typical of us humans to take the things we have for granted. We believe that if we have something, it'll be ours forever but that is never true. Because anything, if not appreciated can vanish right before our eyes. And same goes for people. We have this pride that the person who loves and values us will stick around no matter what happens and how badly we treat them. We think that our behaviour won't change the fact that they will come back once again to give the relationship another chance. But that's the thing about nice people; they will keep coming back and keep trying but they're bound to get tired at some point. And they won't stick around being the glue to the relationship when they've had enough. They might be good people and they might even love you with all their might, but even so, no one has the tolerance for such treatment for that long a time, much less a lifetime. And why should they? When they know that there are other, better places where they'll be much more appreciated than they are now. People will always have better choices in life that they will eventually consider them when things get out of their hand. It depends upon us; should we let them choose the better and let a great person slip from our lives like that? Or should we become the better so as not to have any regrets later that we chased away a perfectly good thing due to a few consistent actions or a compromise not made?

Life gives us choices everyday. And sometimes these decisions are hard to make. But nonetheless, what needs to be done, needs to be done. We should just be wise about the decision we make and not let our vague insights ruin the things too good to lose.

Inner Voice

I'm yearning for your presence
With a weak attempt of letting you go
I can't do it
I know I can't
But it seems like that's what I should do
I want you to become my fate
yet something inside me keeps telling me you're not
I've been trying to ignore that voice for a long time
It's getting harder to ignore it now
I see something
A vague vision
I see that you'll not be here for long
It's making me weak
Hopeless, Helpless..

Perfections

Human beings are perfectionists. No one in this world is perfect and yet despite of being well aware of this fact, we keep looking for perfections and ignore all the things with a slight hint of imperfection: in things, in humans, everything. Think about it? What if one day we stopped this pointless search for the 'best', and work to ascend to our own greatness? To not notice the other's fault and just correct ourselves. Put in all the efforts not to become the best, but to always become better than we are now, and without criticising the people around us. How much heavenly would this hell of a world become then.

Apathy

Why are people aloof? It's sometimes because there's too much to hide. Too much frustration or maybe just sadness and tiredness. When any kind of people start bothering someone, they find peace in the storms of their own self. They feel more comfortable spending all day alone rather than engaging with other people for whichever kind of conversation there can be. It's when one realises that everyone in this world is selfish enough to destroy the other person in order to get what they want. It's these times when one becomes apathetic and indifferent. It's when one breaks all ties from the outside world, stays alone and for once, being alone seems like the best thing ever happened to them.

I'm one of them now

Lying in the dark
Aching from head to toe
My bones are crushing
They walked all over me
And cut me open
Took what they wanted
Destroyed what they could
My head is throbbing
Like a hammer on metal
Sharp, loud
Heart in flames
Going up to the sky
It's burning, I'm burning
Is there a limit?
Soon I'll be gone
Soul leaving the body
Like petals leave the flower
Slowly, then suddenly, completely
Like falling asleep
But with no dreams
Just darkness
Getting darker, getting darker
The body remaining, the stem
Lifeless, colourless
Floating around with no meaning
It's a bitter cruel world
Just bodies, no souls
I'm one of them now...

Balance

Equilibrium. Complete balance between everything. Love and hatred. Happiness and sorrow. War and peace. Warmth and cold. Dark and light. Life and death. The ability to feel nothing while feeling everything. To be dead silent amidst of a storm. Like a lot of noise before becoming completely dead. Equilibrium.

Gone

Tongue, speechless
Mind, thoughtless
Lungs, breathless
Body, lifeless
Am I going somewhere?
Coming from somewhere?
Or am I there already?
With no sense of direction
Like a lump of bones and flesh, I walk
I feel no joy
I feel no pain
There's just one thing I feel
Darkness crawling up on me from all sides
Taking in every speck of white
As it makes its way towards the dead centre of me
I'm gone

The Soldier

He looked at his little girl,Sleeping soundly in her room.
He recalled holding her for the first time,
And all the first times after.
My princess, he'd call her,
While singing her favourite lullaby
He kissed her forehead, ready to leave
Hoping to see her again.
Closing the door behind, with tear filled eyes
He put on his uniform, hugged his wife goodbye.
I'll see you soon he said, I promise I'll be back.
In the battle ground he stood
fighting for his country,
And to make his princess proud.
With bullets all around,
He heard a shout and turned right
To catch one in his heart.
He fell to the ground, taking his last breaths
Faces of her two angels, waiting for him,
Was all he could see.
He did come home, sooner than they thought;
Just like he promised,
Not how his family wanted.
But salutes to the way they held high their head,
For he died a soldier, but he'll never be dead.

Life As I Know It

People come and go, but they always leave us with a lesson; to know better, to do better. The ones meant to stay only come when we have learnt all the required lessons; when we know not to flow in the river of emotions and the stream of our own miscalculated thoughts. It’s human nature you see, we get so blinded by our own feelings and that is when it’s taken away. All the seemingly good and irreplaceable things are taken away and we are thrown to the ground to realise what is real and what’s not; what deserves our heart and soul and what deserves only a nod and to be walked away from. We can cry and weep and not want to accept the reality as much as we want but it is imposed upon us then and there’s no other choice but to nurture ourselves in making space for yet another lesson. Life will keep striking us until we are in the perfect shape we were meant to me in; then it becomes smooth after all like the end of a roller coaster ride.

Everyone needs a push

When you see this, I hope that something in the back of your heart gives you that nudge you need to put your ego aside. Ego is a disease. It gets us all in one way or the other and makes it too hard to drop it. And hope? Well it is an even bigger bitch. It makes you feel like heaven sometimes yet when a little bit goes away, which always does somehow, it takes pieces of you with it. And after a certain amount of time, all there’s left in the place of your heart is a hollow shape. My mind just can’t come in terms with this emptiness.